SOLC 31: When I Die

When I die, I want my last words to be interesting. Something like "What bear?" or "I don't see any snakes." When I die, I want my funeral to be a celebration, not a cry-fit.
When I die, I want to die happy.
When I die, I want my remaining money to be used to buy the largest cake possible.
When I die, I want a comedian to be the funeral MC.
When I die, I want the would to be happy.

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"What dragon?"

SOLC 30: April Fools Day

One of my favorite holidays is april fools day, because of how on that one day, you can prank anyone you want and get away with it. The other reason is because of the google april fools joke videos. Last year, they announced that they were going to give a job to the person who captured the most pokemon. Here is the amazing video:

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SOLC 29: SASGASDGADFASDFGD

Sometimes I wonder whether if when I hit random keys the computer is trying to tell me something. ADGAFGADFAS. The computer wants to tell me something, I know it. Using autocorrect to decipher ADGAFGADFAS gets you ADGA GADFAS. Putting ADGA GADFAS into google search brings up a mysterious webpage that, when you click it, has you download a file. When I open this file, I am prompted to download a flashcard app. Maybe my computer was trying to tell me something...

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SOLC 28: MR. Offroader

Say hello to Mr. Offroader. Mr. Offroader is a monster truck, and comes from a very long line of monster trucks. Now, Mr. Offroader was kidnapped from a Radioshack yesterday by an EVIL person. Mr. Offroader overheard the evil person talking about how he is going to disassemble Mr. Offroader and make him into an autonomous vehicle. Mr. Offroader is very scared now. Please help him!

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SOLC 27: What To Do When You Are Bored/Feeling Bad/Feeling Insignificant

1. Go outside.

2. Sit down.

3. Look at anything natural (trees, grass, the sky, etc).

4. Consider your measly little achievements, and make a list on a piece of paper.

5. Make a list of whatever you are looking at's achievements.

6. Compare lists.

7. Realize that without nature, there would be no oxygen.

8. Realize that without oxygen, monkeys would not be alive.

9. Realize that without the monkeys, humans would not exist.

10. Realize that you are totally insignificant, and just a speck on a planet that is a speck in a solar system, that is a speck in a galaxy, which turns out to be a speck in the universe.

11. Go back to feeling insignificant.

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SOLC 25: RED MARS

This week, I read Red Mars by Kim Stanley Robinson. Red Mars is about a group of 100 colonists who are sent to Mars with the goal of terraforming it into something habitable to live on. As the colonists begin their life on Mars, friendships rise and fall, rivalries form, and Mars will be changed forever.

I really liked this book, mainly due to how accurate the science is in it. Most science fiction books routinely stretch what is possible, but this book accurately depicted science, with no time travel, or teleportation. Instead, this book recognises what is possible. The characters in this book were also very real, with unique personalities and dialog. I would recommend this book to anyone who likes science fiction. This book achieves a 8/10.

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SOLC 26: 77

The solid cement gleams in the midday sun, a fact that I rarely notice. I put my hand into my back pockets as I talk to my friends, and suddenly I feel something in the pocket. I examine the object more with my fingers, then pull it out of my pocket. It appears to be a small sticker. The number 77 is written on the sticker. I show it to my friends. WHY IS THE NUMBER 77???? WHY NOT 76? Well, looks like I have discovered one of the new mysteries of life.

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SOLC 24: Song Lyrics

I was just kinda staring off into space, listening to the Gorillaz song 19-2000, when suddenly I realize that the lyrics are saying "Get the cool! Get the cool shoe-shine!". WHAT IS A COOL SHOE-SHINE AND WHY SHOULD I GET ONE!! I know what a shoe-shine is, but I have no idea why it would be cool. As I continue to puzzle over those lyrics, the lyrics suddenly say "There's a monkey in the jungle, Watching a vapour trail, Caught up in the conflict, Between it's brain and his tail." WHY IS A MONKEY WATCHING A VAPOR TRAIL? I mean, is he smoking? Has his best friend been shot? My advice for you Mr. Monkey, if you are reading this post, is to listen to your tail.

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SOLC 23: HAMSTER POWERED CARS

I was thinking, and I decided that all vehicles should be powered by hamsters. Not by burning hamsters, but making them run around in a big hamster wheel that turns the wheels. Then you could say that your car was hamster powered. Sadly, there would be many problems with this. When your car was parked the hamsters could drive your car away. You could be driving down the highway and the hamsters might decide to go on strike. "BUT I WANT A HAMSTER CAR!" You yell. Fine. You deal with feeding them.

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SOLC 22: ENDERMEN

I stand and look down on the pit filled with angry endermen. The air starts to sizzle with a strange purple incandescence. I slowly back away as the endermen materialize in front of me, waiting to kill me. The other endermen start to build a castle, a really large one at that. I suddenly break out in a sweat as I realize that this is not what is supposed to happen in a game. Suddenly a enderman spawner appears and a giant tongue holding a chainsaw appears. I start backing away, and quickly type in the command to kill all enderman. A few endermen fall over and die, but most just turn and start running towards me. Suddenly, the sun turns black. I slip and fall, hitting my head on some rocks on the way down. I abruptly wake up, wondering whether any endermen are waiting for me outside my room.

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SLOC 21: MEGA AIR

I look at the jump below me and close my eyes. "Why did I ever agree to do this?" I think, envisioning the jump below me. "Dropping!" I yell as I briefly raise my ski pole in the air and commit to hitting the jump. I shove myself off the ledge and begin to accelerate. As I slide through the wet slushy snow, I make a few turns to decelerate, and hit the jump, flying into the air. "WHSPLHHM" I hit the ground at a steady pace, ready for the next jump.

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SOLC 20: HEXIGONS

I sit at my computer and work on my design. I experiment with matte orange, then decide that yes, I do like matte orange. I glance at the black hexagon, then decide that grey would look a lot better. I move my mouse over to the color selector and try to select a neon grey, only to realize that there is no such thing as neon grey. I then decided to just go for a grey color. I find a matte grey, select my brush, and start plopping down hexagons. After I decide that I am done, I click download and name my file.

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SOLC 19: Palm Pilot

When I was five years old, my mom gave me an old palm pilot to play with. I loved the palm pilot and played with it all the time. Now, looking back on it, I realise how few things it could do. It was slow, and could only run a simple calender and notepad. I loved drawing on the notepad, even though I had to use a clunky stylist and the screen was tiny. Back then, the palm pilot was relatively new, and since I didn't know how gimmicky it was, I loved playing with it. That was the peak of technology at that time. Our computers have progressed so much over such a short time, so now we have thin iPhones instead of bricks with touch screens.

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SOLC 18: Snow Crash

This week I read Snow Crash by Neil Stephenson. This book was about a person named Hiro Protagonist who delivers pizza for a living. However, in the Metaverse (kinda like OASIS) he is on a hunt to eliminate a secret villan who is threatinging to bring about the end of society. Hiro must uncover exactly who this villan is and how to stop him. This book showcases new technology such as magnetic harpoons that allow the user to harpoon a car and surf behind on a skateboard. I LOVED this book, but I can't say that others will like it also. I am a big Sci-Fi nerd, so I enjoed the writing and how strange the world is. This book does have some slow parts, but it mostly just amazing. I would give this book a 9.56564578865/10

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SOLC 17: Following Directions

Humans have a huge amount of trouble doing the simplest things in life, like following directions. These are often little things like circling answers on a survey. Often people star the answers, or number the answers. I know I often miss a small thing on a test, like a number being negative, or having to use fractions instead of decimals. Its amazing how well people do complex things like creating a computer, or creating a product. Strangely, those same people just can't do little things, like follow directions or meet requirements for an essay. Anyway, sorry about that rambling slice, but I thought it was interesting.

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SOLC 16: The Om Nom Monster

Recently I was sitting about wondering what to do when suddenly the Om Nom Monster burst through the door. The Om Nom Monster is a very fearsome beast, complete with long fangs, a hairy body and a cry of "OM NOM NOM!!" that scares the daylights out of any soul. The Om Nom Monster takes control of your body and forces you to go and eat so many snacks. I was instantly possessed by the Om Nom Monster, and was made to consume snacks. Once the monster was satisfied, it left and I wrote this slice.

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SOLC 15: ADD and Dyslexia

I have ADD and Dyslexia. Both ADD and Dyslexia affect my life in small and large ways. ADD makes it really easy for me to become distracted and off task. Normally I take medications to counteract this, but on the weekends, when I don’t have my meds, I almost become a different person. For most of the people in my class, I am known as a person with zero tolerance for annoying noises and talking. I am also known as someone who is always doing something and is OCD about everything. These features of my personality are caused by my medications. On days that I don’t take my meds, I am fine with noises/talking. I also like to just hang out and have fun. Dyslexia affects me differently than most people perceive. I used to have trouble reading books for my age, but since I have spent such a large amount of time reading, I now read at a grade level much higher than anyone my age is supposed to read. I have trouble with simple rote memorization of facts like what 5 X 8 is. Mental math, even if it as simple as subtraction, is much more challenging for me than Algebra. I believe the opposite is true in most people. For some reason, (I do not know how others think, but I can observe how they come to solutions) I can figure out engineering problems much faster than people without dyslexia. I believe this is because I think in a completely different way than others. The worst part about having dyslexia is how non-dyslexics stereotype dyslexics as stupid people who can’t read or tell the difference between words. This stereotype is inaccurate, with many dyslexics such as Alexander Graham Bell, Albert Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci, George Washington, Henry Ford, Steven Spielberg, Andy Warhol, Nikola Tesla, Pablo Picasso, and John Lennon achieving great things and pushing our society forward.

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SOLC 14: Pen Potty Dance

Its very dark in here, and I need to go to the bathroom. "Hey guys? Can I go to the bathroom?" I whisper. No one responds, so I resume doing a potty dance standing still. I was put in here yesterday and left alone with other unfortunate souls. I hate closed confined spaces with no bathroom. I am hungry. I have not eaten in 2 days. I really have to go now. "Guys, where is the bathroom?" I ask. No one responds. I begin to wonder whether any of the other people are alive in here. I really need to go now. I reach out and touch one of the other people. I sharply pull back my hand after the cold and clammy sensation courses through my arm. Soon, a wet sensation distracts me from my wonders about the surrounding corpses. I had wet my pants.

"Not again!" Jonah says as he looks inside his pencil box. "I hate it when pens leak."

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P.S. What do you guys think about this version of Google the hamster?

SOLC 13: Turtle Kidnapping Franchising Opportunities

Today I must inform you of a wonderful new possibilities for you, by creating a Turtle Kidnapping franchise. Turtles are worth a large amount of money due to their sudden popularity. And these turtles, being cyber turtles, are even better. They have the ability to fetch exactly what you need from a website in mere seconds. What? You say, a cyber turtle? Thats right! Due to the special purple Plutonium 432 turtle food (produced by Callahan Capital Partners), these turtles are made into pixel turtles.
To begin your turtle kidnapping business, go to http://abowman.com/google-modules/turtle/ . Then, click edit settings and specify what type of turtles you want by clicking on the colors and changing them. This site, courtesy of Adam Bowman, offers these valuable resources for free. Copy the code below, and go to layout inside of Blogger. Once you are there, add a gadget. When asked what gadget you want, scroll through the "basic" menu until you find "HTML/Javascript." Add this, and paste the code into the text box you are presented with. Hit "publish." Congradulations! You are now ready to start kidnapping turtles.

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SOLC 12: RAPTORS

I slowly stalk through the bushes, aware that anything could happen at this moment. The green ferns part as I walk through the damp forest, following the carnage. Water drips off low lying plants into the tire ruts left by the last trip into this part of the jungle. The jungle smells like a bunch of roses left in a steam room after a violent fight. A small rustle occurs in the bushes to my left, causing me to stop instantly, afraid of what might come. Another rustle. I stand motionless in the foliage, afraid for what to come. After standing frozen for what felt like an hour, unable to hear anything except my own heartbeat, I resume slowly creeping forward. Parting the ferns, I see a small helicopter with my friends sitting inside of it waving me on. I step out of the bushes, and hear the sound of feet behind me. I slowly look over my shoulder, to see a full sized velociraptor standing behind me. I immediately bolt, hoping that this particular raptor has a leg injury. I look behind me to see the raptor slowly gaining on me, until, like a particularly annoying person, it is almost stepping on my heels. A rock approaches and I trip, landing face first on the concrete. I look back, and the raptor widens its jaws to eat me. Suddenly I wake up, panting and rapidly looking around my room for a raptor.

SOLC 11: Tai-Pan

This week, I read Tai-Pan by James Clavell. As you may know, I was a huge fan of Shogun, another book by him. In Tai-Pan, England has finally captured Hong Kong from the Chinese. Dirk Struan, a highly successful trader and Tai-Pan (someone who wields all the power in a group or company) dealing in the trade of tea and opium, has plans for this desolate rock. He sets off on a quest to make Hong Kong a thriving colony and the headquarters for his company. He seeks to promote his company, Noble House, defeat his rival, Tyler Brock, and train his only remaining legitimate son, Culum to obtain the post of Tai-Pan.
I absolutely loved this book. The writing was imaginative and interesting, the characters complex, and the plot immersive. The writing made me take the side of whichever characters point of view is being told at the time, and the characters seem just so real, with no character being anywhere near perfect. I simply loved this book, in all of its page-turner glory. I would compare this book to Shogun, and recommend it to everyone. This book is a shoo-in for an easy 10/10.

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SOLC 10: If Google Was A Hamster

If Google was a hamster, he would probably spend most of his time looking for random things in his cage. He would also spend a lot of time making strange things, like hamster balls with built in hamster food cannon. If Google was a hamster, he would be so rich that he buys gold plated hamster wheels. Google the hamster would also get in frequent fights with Apple the hamster, so they would need to be separated. Google would also shame Microsoft the hamster, who would sit in the corner most of the time and create lead hamster wheels. Google would also spend way to much time doing tricks and showing them to its friend, Youtube the hamster. Google the hamster would also run around and fetch things for all of the other hamsters. Google would also spend most of its day telling other hamsters where things are. Google would also store stuff for the other hamsters in its little toilet paper roll that it fiercely guards. But then again, Google is not a hamster, so all this is just wishful thinking.

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SOLC 9: Daylight Savings

I am floating in a pool of honey, content with life, when suddenly a loud fire alarm disrupts my thinking. I climb out of the pool and find myself lying in my bed, staring at my alarm clock. I turn over in bed and grope for my pillow. In my partial slumber, I knock the pillow off my bed. I pull my head under the sheets, unwilling to get out of my warm cove of sheets. The annoying beeping continues and I try to fall back asleep. Finally the beeping stops, and I poke my head out of the sheets. Then, much to my sadness, the alarm clock starts up again. I pull back into the sheets, much like a turtle pulling into its shell. After about 15 minutes of trying to push the sound of my alarm clock out of my head, my dad yells from downstairs for me to get up. I sigh while I get out of my bed and tramp down the stairs, frustrated at daylight savings time.

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SOLC 8: Weekends

Every weekend, I do a variation of the same thing. During ski season, my family goes up to Breckenridge to go skiing. We all pack into the car, with everyone bringing some entertainment, be it a Radiolab podcast, a book, or material to study. We drive to Frisco, inevitably getting stuck on a certain stretch of I-70. After we get to Frisco, we stop by the Whole Foods and pick up some Virgil's root beer (the best root beer ever). After satisfying our root beer needs, we pass by the A&W restaurant that puts up bible quotes on its billboard on our way to Breckenridge. After we arrive at our rental house, we pull out some food that we got at Whole Foods, and have a nice little dinner. The next day, we go skiing until we are exhausted. Then we enjoy the hot tub, until its time for dinner. When we wake up the next day, we drive home happily, excited for next weekend.

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SOLC 7: Batpod

I stand next to the pool table, looking at the little lego drone from different angles. Its a little black drone that has wheels that can flip out to different angels. It is one of little cousins creations, and I like it. My cousin and I share a mutual interest in legos, and I am considering how to modify it. After a short deliberation, I decide to change the wheel placement design. After modifying it, I give it to my cousin for the final verdict. "I like it" he says. I tell him that I made it like the Batpod. "I like it" he says again.

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SOLC 5: EVIL MARIO

"Be-whup!" I land on the ground after getting a huge gold coin from this question-mark box. My head hurts a little bit, but I can't stop because a crazy italian plumber is chasing me. He keeps yelling at me to return Princess Pineapple, and I keep yelling back at him that I have no idea who Princess Pineapple is. We keep running for a while, with me occasionally swerving to avoid Goombas (walking mushrooms) that for some reason have my math teachers face on them. After a little while, he takes off his hat and pulls out some mushroom. "Face the wrath of Mega Mario!" he screams at me while frantically stuffing the mushroom into his mouth. Suddenly, Mario is gone, and this giant Mario with a Mega-Man Arm cannon is in his place. I start running frantically away, almost dying in bursts of blue energy. "Prepare to die!!" he shouts at me as I try to hide behind trees. Suddenly he transforms into a huge flock of Flappy Birds. I look up to see the Flappy Birds dive bombing me as I cower on the ground. I feel the first bird stab me. Suddenly, I woke up from the dream panting. I look around, for the stabbing sensation hasn't stopped yet, and find the corner of a book pressed into my thigh.

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SOLC 5: A Nuclear Reactor

Yesterday was pretty strange. I went to a nuclear reactor (I am not making this up). In math class. Before walking into the reactor room, our guide had us clip on dosimeters (really fancy things the size of a highlighter that make sure you don't fall over and die of a radiation overdose). He then put his thumb on a biometric scanner to open the doors to go into the reactor room. Once we got in the reactor room, I saw that the reactor was about the size of a hot tub. The water in it was also about the same temperature as a hot tub. However, it is NOT a hot tub. Swimming in it would probably either kill you, or (probably not) make you grow a third leg.
"This is our nuclear reactor." Our guide said. "We use it to irradiate samples to determine..." I wasn't listening at this point. I was staring, mesmerized by the blue glow of the almost alien device below me. I mean, it looked like some crazy Warp drive/Tesseract hybrid. It looked like something from a science fiction movie. I stood there for a while until we had to go, amazed by the reactor.

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SOLC 4/Book Post: Steelheart

Hello everybody! Here is a brief little blurb about me.
I am a male 8th grader in Linda's class at the Logan School. I live in Denver Colorado and love to go skiing. I like to wear hoodies, t-shirts and jeans. I like to listen to ambient music and 80's/90's pop like Oasis. I live on planet Earth, a mostly harmless planet. This is my blog!

This week, for a quick and very easy read, I read Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson. In Steelheart, after an event called the Calamity, ordinary humans started gaining amazing powers. They were called Epics, and they soon force the population to serve them. No one fights their rule, except a mysterious group of people called the Reckoners. David wants to become a Reckoner, and kill the most powerful Epic, a man named Steelheart.

I liked the plot of this book, but it was a very easy, low reading level read. Also, some of the parts of the story are just plain stupid. Take for instance, the Epics. WHY NAME YOUR BAD GUYS EPICS? It makes them sound like people who just skateboard/snowboard (nothing against skateboarders or snowboarders here) all day long filming everything on GoPro and saying "Epic man!". Also, why name your good guys "Reckoners"? PLEASE GET SOMETHING CREATIVE! Sigh. At least I get to read something else next week. This book tried very hard to earn it's low score of 3.2/10.

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P.S. Its an okay plot, but not exactly the most creative minor details. It has lots of cliches.

SOLC 3: Song Of The Week + Album of the Week

This week, the song of the week is... Wonderwall by Oasis. Wonderwall is a great song with catchy lyrics and a seriously amazing beat. This song reached a spot in the top 10 on thirteen music charts, topping charts in New Zealand, America, and Australia. You can listen to the song below (sorry about the strange music video).

The album of the week this week is... Dive by Tycho. This album has beautiful ambient tracks that sound almost ghostly. You can listen to it below.

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SOLC 2: Recipe For Creativity And Innovation

About 800 flash drives( most of them will be lost), several hundred black pens, several hundred blue pens, about ten brush pens, paper clips, sticky notes, a sheaf of sheafs of paper, doodle pads (the more the better), snacks, 20-30 computers, time, one or more dinosaur models, at least 3 dum-dums per person (add more for higher morale), one eraser, about fifty pounds of cardboard, more sticky notes, a roll of duct tape, binders, folders, two or more couches, about 50 boxes of black flair pens (these were made a controlled substance under Jamie), lots of music, headphones, internet access, about 3 miles of PVC pipe, a can of corn, one Butters, one awesome assistant teacher (examples include Derek, Paula, and JK), a communal hatred of earth systems science, the binder dance, way to many John Green videos, way too much Mental Floss, and, most importantly, CDs with the song Rainbow In The Dark by Dio (the unofficial song of Linda’s class) on them.

Combine all ingredients in a room full of intelligent people, add assignments, stir, and let rise for one year.

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